After all this while, start to feel tire with many things. Feel tire of being independent; feel tire of being alone; feel tire of being nothing. Just feel like let go of everything and just relaxing.
I know after all this while; I have to grow stronger to face anything. People tend to learn and become mature. This happens in me as well, but sometimes really hopes to have some break!
Entering University life is a challenge. Now I started to felt that I miss my home very much. I admit that I was rebellion in those times before but seriously, I really miss those moments. At home, families are taking care of me. In University, everything needs to do by my own. Even when I was sickening, no porridge, no good rest, and most of all, no mom besides me. Really need someone to rely on now…
Recently, many activities and tasks to be settle down. Will this activities and tasks wipe off the loneliness in me? Or it is just another ways to remind me with the loneliness? Sometimes really envy with those has couples. At least their partners will be at their sides and share their stories. What about me? Carry all by myself…
Sometimes, wondering is I too tough and difficult to understand? Probably yes. Though sometimes I don’t really know what am I really want. I am too cowards to say what I want, just letting people to guess and though I am ok with all that. Letting people to step beyond me.
In this world, people tend to wear a mask in front of us. They might be nice with me but actually stepping behind my back. Is this world really having no one to trust? Keeping all those words in my heart making me suffered… I am just too tired with everything…
I am strong, but not as strong as you though…
Written on 29 January 2010, 0230…
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