tire...

Thought that i could have some rest after this, who knows things just keep on come. Rest just start to stay far away from me... I am so tire...

If i could chose

Recall back the decision I made is it right or wrong? Perhaps at that time you ask me, I should say No! This may release you and me now. Whenever i saw the message or call, I am wondering should I answer it. You should know that those times are past tense, and we should move on with the current life. I am doing really great with my current life. Just hope that don’t waste any of your time on me. What you doing now will just made me build bigger barriers among us. We do have great memories, but now I didn’t see it as great. I am afraid. We can be friend, now is just not the time yet. You remember you ask me am I scared of you? Honestly, my answer is Yes. I am afraid of the hope that you put on me. It is like a burden for me. I enjoy my life now, with no restriction and limits. I admit that I am selfish when choose to leave you, but I never regret it. I love myself more than others. You made a great guy, but we met at the wrong timing. I am not the girl that you should be wasting your time on. I am a lot deeper than you can imagine. You will meet you right person, but it is just not me. If only I could turn back the time, I wish all this never happen. And you don’t have to waste your time on me.

Written on 18 February 2010; 2345

shocking news

Today was Valentine’s Day and the first day of Chinese New Year. Happy Valentine to all the couples in the world and Happy CNY too!
I got a shocking new today. It is really surprise me when I heard it. It is still a little unbelievable for me because I do not think this thing should happen on my friend. But, we can’t judge a book by its cover though. All this while, I never thought my friend couple with the same sex person. I did suspect a little when I saw the photos of them, but never do I ask about it. Finally, the truth is reveal now and I think it is really a waste. How could this happen on my friend? It doesn’t look like they will! All this while, my friend just never mentions that they prefer the same sex. My friend just doesn’t look like will done this thing. Hmm, at this wonderful night, it surely a shocking new I receive. Hopefully this new will not affect my view on my friend.

Written on 15 February 2010: 0219

Island trip

Today went 2 island with my roommates. It has been a while I haven’t go for snorkeling since the last trip with my form6 classmate in Redang island. Really a wonderful trip solely for the 11 girls who spend 3 days 2 nights there. Miss the moment though. This time we went to 2 island that was quite famous in Sabah-Manukan Island and Sapi Island. After 1 and half year in Sabah, finally made my first trip to island. i have waited for so long. It is quite enjoyable actually, just see so much of death corals-pollution. anyhow, looking forward to my next trip. Hoping to have a diving licence so i can go to Sipadan Island!

Thanks to Mike, our guide for the day, made me manage to see Nemo.

Written on 13February 2010

Class before CNY

Few more minutes to go will start my final class before CNY. Just cant wait for the class to end and the arriving of tomorrow. Three days later will be the CNY and valentines day! What a great celebration for those couples. Receiving Ang Pow and gifts at the same time.
Cant wait for tomorrow for all my plan and trips shall begins. Though not with my family, but a is a great escape from hostel! having trips with my roommates will be another joyful experience!
However, CNY will be accompany be tans of assignments and laptop. Just another busy yet relaxing weeks to go...

Happy CNY!!!

Holiday mood...

Chinese New Year falls on this Sunday. People around me had started packing and some even had reached their home. Tomorrow still got another class to attend. Just wish to reach Saturday real soon so that my plans and activities can on. Today I do not have any classes, sitting in my room finishing my anime while doing some assignment. Now my clock showing 2220 and I started to feel really bored with anime and assignments. Feel like don’t want to do anything. Probably today woke up too early and don’t have any activities.
Tomorrow class start at 1400-1600. Wondering how many students will attend for the class? Yet, tomorrow need to go out early to get information on my individual assignments. Just so much of assignments lining up for me. Hopefully during this holiday I would somehow manage to finish all. Human resource, cross culture, ppib, marketing, research and Japanese. Need to start manage my time for my assignments. Oh, still got mid-term, suddenly feel like having not enough time for study.
No matter what, I need to use my holiday wisely. Somehow I had time advantage over others….

Written on 11 February 2010

untitle

Recently really hate myself. I wish I could find someone that can understand my feeling even though I did not say anything. I wish I could have someone that can help to share my feelings. I wish I could get someone that able to get rid of this feeling.
I hate myself for being negative. Whenever I think negatively, I know people around me will suffer as well. There are so many things happen around me, but it is difficult for me to express it. Even with writing. Is there anyone out there that can understand me even I do not say a word?
I might be too relying now, but this is what I really wish for…

Written on 2 February 2010; 2210

I'm not...

After all this while, start to feel tire with many things. Feel tire of being independent; feel tire of being alone; feel tire of being nothing. Just feel like let go of everything and just relaxing.
I know after all this while; I have to grow stronger to face anything. People tend to learn and become mature. This happens in me as well, but sometimes really hopes to have some break!
Entering University life is a challenge. Now I started to felt that I miss my home very much. I admit that I was rebellion in those times before but seriously, I really miss those moments. At home, families are taking care of me. In University, everything needs to do by my own. Even when I was sickening, no porridge, no good rest, and most of all, no mom besides me. Really need someone to rely on now…
Recently, many activities and tasks to be settle down. Will this activities and tasks wipe off the loneliness in me? Or it is just another ways to remind me with the loneliness? Sometimes really envy with those has couples. At least their partners will be at their sides and share their stories. What about me? Carry all by myself…
Sometimes, wondering is I too tough and difficult to understand? Probably yes. Though sometimes I don’t really know what am I really want. I am too cowards to say what I want, just letting people to guess and though I am ok with all that. Letting people to step beyond me.
In this world, people tend to wear a mask in front of us. They might be nice with me but actually stepping behind my back. Is this world really having no one to trust? Keeping all those words in my heart making me suffered… I am just too tired with everything…

I am strong, but not as strong as you though…

Written on 29 January 2010, 0230…

STRESS

Waiting for the class now in library. At the same time, trying to completing my assignment. Just don't feel like doing anything now. Want to take a long long rest...
Feel uneasy in my body now. Do not have appetite to eat although i am hungry. probably too much stress and not having enough rest. Even sleep also cant help much. Just don't really like this feelings. It is great to keep myself busy, but this isn't the feelings i really want...

I WANNA ESCAPE FROM THIS PLACE!!!

Updating

It had been weeks did not update myself here. Recently busy with the PAP. Finally, the event is over and now had to concentrate on study. Assignment and mid-term lining up. Just feel like time is never enough for me...
Our PAP is just over. Get many comments on it. Positive and negative. Waiting for the postmortem this Friday. Hopefully was the last day that i need to stay at night for the PAP. Personally during the event, many things happen. Many unhappy and stressful times, but since it is over, just leave it behind and keep the happiest moment here.
Throughout the PAP, manage to meet many people. Though don't know their name, but it is great to meet them.
Hmm.. update till here.. class to attend.. Just feel lazy to move myself...